This is life ->

The sun comes up every day,
The sun goes down every day,
Life fills the space between.
Going with the flow,
Doing what is natural,
Letting life unfold,
‘good’ or ‘bad’…
It doesn’t matter,
It is where life is juiciest,
and ultimately the most fulfilling.
A tree knows this.
A dog knows this.
We just need to remember it.
This is life.
This is living

~kenji

New Age Narcissists, Money & Manifesting


There seems to be a breed of new age/’spiritual’ people that embrace a way of being that seems to ignore the need for self-reliance and the ability to hold a ‘Big Picture’ view of relating to humanity when it comes to money/finances

Why this is up for me is…
my roommate and I invited someone into our home (who seemed to have fallen on hard times) that could ‘parrot’ spiritual concepts (but it turned out the actual living of them was not a daily activity). Anyway, there was an exchange arranged for the rent and actual payment required for utilities. End result…,
after six weeks – no money and minimal exchange. Apparently we were her personal agent of the Divine to meet her want/need (in this case)
Our request for her to fulfill her commitment was met with accusations, insults and anger. We share space no longer.

I don’t believe the Divine requires me to be the provider for someone’s wants/needs based on their whim or a desire to be rescued from their own doings. The process of someone just simply ‘taking’ is called stealing – not manifesting.

I’m ok with being a tool of the Divine (it’s what I try to do… and will continue to do, regardless of some ‘negative’ experiences). How it has worked for me in the past is usually someone is put in my path plus the ‘desire to help’ at the very same time. When someone tries to tell me that the Divine whats me to do something (anything), red flags go up. The Divine tends to give me a ‘heads up’ first.
Historically speaking, it usually doesn’t usually work out so well for folks when there is a middleman between the Divine and the seeker.

I believe the healthy approach to ‘conscious selfishness’ really is one of self-preservation, self-growth and… in doing so, being open to how one can one provide for others in the midst of that very pursuit – interdependancy.
I believe its unhealthy to have the mindset of I gotta ‘get mine’…
(irregardless of consequence for one’s self and others)
It’s pretty hard to ‘be of service’ with this attitude, and, fully experience what the Divine can do in your life.

~kenji

*Definition of Narcissism: the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.
——————————————————————
**Reference – Hotchkiss’ seven deadly sins of narcissism

1. Shamelessness – Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
2. Magical thinking – Narcissists see themselves as perfect using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
3. Arrogance – A narcissist who is feeling deflated may re-inflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
4. Envy – A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
5. Entitlement – Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Any failure to comply will be considered an attack on their superiority and the perpetrator is considered to be an “awkward” or “difficult” person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
6. Exploitation – can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
7. Bad Boundaries – narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist will be treated as if they are part of the narcissist and be expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.

One pair of Shoes

She’s just one pair of shoes away from being a gypsy
because that’s just the way she is.
She moves, keeps on moving, in her body, in her life.
Actually, that’s what I like most about her,
and that’s what I hate about her.
I love the sunlight on her skin,
and how the wind plays with her hair,
I am grateful because he taught me how this is done.
This time.., her hair is jet black,
having the sheen of raven’s wings.
Are they gypsies too?
I imagine so, because they are so ‘here’ when they’re here.
Oft in bands, uncountable, sometimes as a sole spirit:
appearing to speak to me of mysteries and things unseen.

She’s just one pair of shoes away from being a gypsy,
one dance away from being gone, again.
What’s interesting is…, when she does return,
like a warm breeze in times too cool for comfort,
she is completely different.
I only can recognize her by her eyes.
I’m not saying by color and shape but only by the soul that lies within.
When we are together, I cherish the honey,
the sweetness of our now and I well know the sting as things die.
There are times I think she very well may be the devil in disguise,
returning to torture my heart again and again,
but I gain…, I grow from our encounters

Just one pair of shoes away from being a gypsy.
Maybe I can learn from her way of being, embrace it as mine own.
Yes…, its time to learn this lesson too,
to be free from the torment of waiting for her return.
This is for the lost and the lonely so I’ll no longer be counted amongst them.
It is time to dance to tunes unheard and gather travel dust on my shoes
til it falls to the ground like rain.

I just got a new pair of shoes today and I’m gonna dance to the horizon.
I feel that wandering spirit in the air,
no…, a warm breeze in times too cool for comfort.
The winds of change.
I believe I’ll be leavin’ now.

In The Flow..

So I will stay here at Esalen in Big Sur, CA… I have been accepted to the 1 year work-study program at Esalen and I am excited (with some trepidation) and look forward to a year of growth plus living in community while working & settling back into my body as well as growing from the inside out… digging deep in a place that allows it.

~Nurtured~
by the Sea,
by the Land,
by the People.

It is way past the time for me to regroup. I’ve shared precious little of the turbulent past year. I feel beaten and tired but definitely not defeated. The hard times have produced wondrous growth and lessons that will be the foundation for my next adventures in life. Already the stage is set with new folk that have already crossed my path reinforcing the value of interdependence.

I am hoping some will choose to visit as it is a great place to see (so contact me if you’re up for it) When I finally do leave.., I hope to bring a contagious loving attitude and energy to all encounter.

I look forward to where my feet will land next (possibly Japan, HI, CA-SF, AZ & OR) and have high hopes of meeting many of you face to face so I can truly know you beyond the cyber & energetic connection we already have. I will have spotty access to the internet here at Esalen so if you want to connect via that avenue, please be patient.

—> I truly have LOVE for those I have connected with as fellow sojourners on this planet.

Take care, and, namaste
(which as I understand it means the god in me acknowledges and recognizes the god in you)

~kenji