There seems to be a breed of new age/’spiritual’ people that embrace a way of being that seems to ignore the need for self-reliance and the ability to hold a ‘Big Picture’ view of relating to humanity when it comes to money/finances
Why this is up for me is…
my roommate and I invited someone into our home (who seemed to have fallen on hard times) that could ‘parrot’ spiritual concepts (but it turned out the actual living of them was not a daily activity). Anyway, there was an exchange arranged for the rent and actual payment required for utilities. End result…,
after six weeks – no money and minimal exchange. Apparently we were her personal agent of the Divine to meet her want/need (in this case)
Our request for her to fulfill her commitment was met with accusations, insults and anger. We share space no longer.
I don’t believe the Divine requires me to be the provider for someone’s wants/needs based on their whim or a desire to be rescued from their own doings. The process of someone just simply ‘taking’ is called stealing – not manifesting.
I’m ok with being a tool of the Divine (it’s what I try to do… and will continue to do, regardless of some ‘negative’ experiences). How it has worked for me in the past is usually someone is put in my path plus the ‘desire to help’ at the very same time. When someone tries to tell me that the Divine whats me to do something (anything), red flags go up. The Divine tends to give me a ‘heads up’ first.
Historically speaking, it usually doesn’t usually work out so well for folks when there is a middleman between the Divine and the seeker.
I believe the healthy approach to ‘conscious selfishness’ really is one of self-preservation, self-growth and… in doing so, being open to how one can one provide for others in the midst of that very pursuit – interdependancy.
I believe its unhealthy to have the mindset of I gotta ‘get mine’…
(irregardless of consequence for one’s self and others)
It’s pretty hard to ‘be of service’ with this attitude, and, fully experience what the Divine can do in your life.
*Definition of Narcissism: the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.
**Reference – Hotchkiss’ seven deadly sins of narcissism
1. Shamelessness – Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
2. Magical thinking – Narcissists see themselves as perfect using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
3. Arrogance – A narcissist who is feeling deflated may re-inflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
4. Envy – A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
5. Entitlement – Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Any failure to comply will be considered an attack on their superiority and the perpetrator is considered to be an “awkward” or “difficult” person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
6. Exploitation – can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
7. Bad Boundaries – narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist will be treated as if they are part of the narcissist and be expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.
Kenji…thank you for sharing your blog here. I find this “problem” to be more common than we would like to think. I’ve found, that when confronted, this type of person will try to make you feel that you are the one that is “out of balance” or the one that has “issues”. I agree, taking care of yourself and protecting yourself from people who will use and abuse you is not self centeredness, it is self preservation.
thanks Kenji! this is definitely what threw me off the past few weeks. took in some folks and shared my enormous backlog of unnecessary stuff and noticed how we all reacted… genuine gratitude without strings, willing to ‘pay it forward.’ learned a lot, wouldn’t change a thing, it wasn’t all pretty but I felt like Me doing what I love to do, being who I love to be. namaste dear writer, brother, fellow traveler