Soooo close to moving on to the Other Side (Feb 18 2003)

That happens when you wreck your motorcycle after having been seduced by a prematurely sunny day.

There began what I affectionately call ‘my year of hell’
I remember thinking ìwhy is this happeningî. Then it’s face down on the side of the road trying to get my helmet of because I can’t breathe. Then is the pain that feels as if someone parked a truck on my leg. Pain. Faces floating. Pain. Please don’t jostle so much, it’s excruciating. Pain. A helicopter. Pain. Faces & questions & x-rays on the wall. Pain. A pink mask….
Timeless fighting. Fear. Demons. I am scared to my core and yet battle on and on….
A cool washcloth on my head. A fragment of reality to try and hold. Pain. Snippets of conversation. I talk too. Pain. This is my life….
Reality more often than not. One lung is/was collapsed, 5 ribs are broken and one leg will never be the same. 5 days have passed. It turns out I’ve had two surgeries. Pain is my constant companion though my mother is there just about as much and my daughter the third…
Some visit. Some with their body betraying the feeling of ‘can’t wait to get outta here’, others with the ‘dude you’re fucked up but my face don’t show it does it’ look on their face, and, of course the ones that care and are touched to the core…
Eight days was all that could be endured. They were considering transferring me to another place but I needed Home to mend. Hospitals are not places of wellness…
To keep a blog from becoming a novel the short of it was a year of healing starting in a wheel chair to walker to vision trouble to crutches to spraining the good ankle to a wheel chair to walker to crutches to brain swelling to a cane. Adding insult to injury. My mom dies suddenly (at 64). Yeah, you know Ö the one who camped out on my living room floor taking care of me for the first three months irregardless of her own health struggles. (It all really sounds like a country song, doesn’t it)

All this changes a person…

I may pen more later but it boils down to (being near the anniversary) that I thought I’d share this insight:

—–>This is the best thing that ever happened to me. My soul knew that this event would cause needed change to me<—–

Three years Alive & of Life… I still have residual stuff I deal with but I can do it from a perspective I never had

Blessings to you all. May your path be easier than mine but just as impactful on you. Namaste

In Memory – Mom, though I lost you in August that year, I’m forever . I need to say Thank You” for giving more than any mom should have to. I know that you now move & dance in ways that your earth suit wouldn’t let you while you were here.

Special Thanks – Bri my daughter/friend, thanks for not imploding under the burden of a broken dad, a doting grandma, school plus the loss of your close friend and finally your grandma. You’re awesome

Recipe for kenji

Ingredients:

1/2 cup pain
(Set the pain aside and let it age til it becomes wisdom – use anywhere during the process)

1 cup Spirit
1 cup compassion
3/4 cup destiny
1/2 cup He
1/4 cup She
1/4 cup spirit creature
2 tablespoon primal beast
1 tablespoon insecurity
Dash of ‘this guy is a dog’
Dash of selfishness
A scoop of pure honey

Optional Ingredients (double batch):
Add a complete She with complementary ingredients already contained
(For the double batch: fold together all those ingredients and cover with a soft cloth)

Mix the rest of the ingredients as they are needed in proportion to circumstance.
Stir occasionally. Let simmer at times and will boil occasionally but always ends up tender.
Most times things turn out just fine

—–> Please share ‘your’ recipe <—–

~kenji