the Good Muse

kenji's ~ Personal Blog

Fully Human ->


It’s also helpful to realize that
this very body that we have,
that’s sitting right here right now…
with its aches and it pleasures…
is exactly what we need to be
fully human, fully awake, fully alive

~Pema Chodron

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Thoughts ->


The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love,
Born out of concern for all beings.
As the shadow follows the body,
As we think…, so we become

~Buddha

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In The Flow..

In The Flow

So I will stay here at Esalen in Big Sur, CA… I have been accepted to the 1 year work-study program at Esalen and I am excited (with some trepidation) and look forward to a year of growth plus living in community while working & settling back into my body as well as growing from the inside out… digging deep in a place that allows it.

~Nurtured~
by the Sea,
by the Land,
by the People.

It is way past the time for me to regroup. I’ve shared precious little of the turbulent past year. I feel beaten and tired but definitely not defeated. The hard times have produced wondrous growth and lessons that will be the foundation for my next adventures in life. Already the stage is set with new folk that have already crossed my path reinforcing the value of interdependence.

I am hoping some will choose to visit as it is a great place to see (so contact me if you’re up for it) When I finally do leave.., I hope to bring a contagious loving attitude and energy to all encounter.

I look forward to where my feet will land next (possibly Japan, HI, CA-SF, AZ & OR) and have high hopes of meeting many of you face to face so I can truly know you beyond the cyber & energetic connection we already have. I will have spotty access to the internet here at Esalen so if you want to connect via that avenue, please be patient.

—> I truly have LOVE for those I have connected with as fellow sojourners on this planet.

Take care, and, namaste
(which as I understand it means the god in me acknowledges and recognizes the god in you)

~kenji

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Soooo close to moving on to the Other Side (Feb 18 2003)

kenji & motorcycle

Me & my bike


That happens when you wreck your motorcycle after having been seduced by a prematurely sunny day.

There began what I affectionately call ‘my year of hell’
I remember thinking ìwhy is this happeningî. Then it’s face down on the side of the road trying to get my helmet of because I can’t breathe. Then is the pain that feels as if someone parked a truck on my leg. Pain. Faces floating. Pain. Please don’t jostle so much, it’s excruciating. Pain. A helicopter. Pain. Faces & questions & x-rays on the wall. Pain. A pink mask….
Timeless fighting. Fear. Demons. I am scared to my core and yet battle on and on….
A cool washcloth on my head. A fragment of reality to try and hold. Pain. Snippets of conversation. I talk too. Pain. This is my life….
Reality more often than not. One lung is/was collapsed, 5 ribs are broken and one leg will never be the same. 5 days have passed. It turns out I’ve had two surgeries. Pain is my constant companion though my mother is there just about as much and my daughter the third…
Some visit. Some with their body betraying the feeling of ‘can’t wait to get outta here’, others with the ‘dude you’re fucked up but my face don’t show it does it’ look on their face, and, of course the ones that care and are touched to the core…
Eight days was all that could be endured. They were considering transferring me to another place but I needed Home to mend. Hospitals are not places of wellness…
To keep a blog from becoming a novel the short of it was a year of healing starting in a wheel chair to walker to vision trouble to crutches to spraining the good ankle to a wheel chair to walker to crutches to brain swelling to a cane. Adding insult to injury. My mom dies suddenly (at 64). Yeah, you know Ö the one who camped out on my living room floor taking care of me for the first three months irregardless of her own health struggles. (It all really sounds like a country song, doesn’t it)

All this changes a person…

I may pen more later but it boils down to (being near the anniversary) that I thought I’d share this insight:

—–>This is the best thing that ever happened to me. My soul knew that this event would cause needed change to me<—–

Three years Alive & of Life… I still have residual stuff I deal with but I can do it from a perspective I never had

Blessings to you all. May your path be easier than mine but just as impactful on you. Namaste

In Memory – Mom, though I lost you in August that year, I'm forever . I need to say Thank You'' for giving more than any mom should have to. I know that you now move & dance in ways that your earth suit wouldn't let you while you were here.

Special Thanks – Bri my daughter/friend, thanks for not imploding under the burden of a broken dad, a doting grandma, school plus the loss of your close friend and finally your grandma. You're awesome

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