the Good Muse

kenji's ~ Personal Blog

Hold On… ->


Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.

~Pueblo Blessing

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Memory Lane


Family Tradition...

My mom grew up in Germany and my dad imported her ;-)

The one meal that was an all time family favorite in my home was:

Pork Roast
Spaetzle Noodles w/ Gravy
& German Potato Salad

It doesn't matter if you know what those foods are, just let me say they are delicious

Anyway, Deb - my roommate discovered that this was an all time favorite of mine (& the family as a whole). So for my 'birthday dinner' she stepped up to the task of trying to replicate 'moms' cooking. I am counting my blessings
and...
Mom would be proud, plus,
I was way stuffed after wolfing down far too much of these great grinds

To my siblings:
nah, nah ,nah , nah, nah!
um..., er..., I mean - I'm sorry you missed out, wish you were here :-)

with gratitude

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Bali, Japan & Beyond

It was around this time last year that I left the dolphins of Big Island for Japan, and…, ultimately – Bali. I’m really missing it. Travel is a tiring affair but the jewels found in the process make it worth it

My 2 weeks in Japan were very busy. The first 2 pit stops were in Tokyo and Kyoto on my way to Matsuyama (not so very far from Hiroshima). My stay in Matsuyama was all about doing sessions, a combination of bodywork and teaching (life coach). I completed 18 sessions in 5 days (with another 4 in the following week). After Matsuyama, it was on to Osaka where I stayed with a sweet woman who taught traditional Japanese weaving (on a loom). It was another new way to be in the moment. I really enjoyed it but it was off to the airport and on to Bali.

Wow, Bali…. I couldn’t stop smiling for a week. It was natural… there something about the energy of the place and it’s Magical Rice Fields. I was there to take a dance facilitation workshop and a month long workshop to add to my Esalen Massage certification training so that I could get their piece of paper saying that I did it, then I could hang on the wall with my others. most of my time was spent near Ubud at Ananda Cottages which as the universe would have it, got me an awesome room.

Anyway… Bali & Japan are in my blood now and I hope to return sometime this year. If not, then I hope to bring them to me in Hawaii. During this year, as I build an energetic anchor (home base) here in Kauai, I hope to create a healing space for myself and any who would venture here

Blessings
~kenji

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This Momentous Day

Momentous Day

Four years ago today was when I almost left this planet when I wrecked my motorcycle*. Today, I so wanted to celebrate life with someone (or someones, even anyone) but when I looked around, I found I have no friends. My ‘prewreck’ life was spent running business and making the ‘good life’ so coveted by the world but in doing this solo ended up making me an unintentional hermit, which is the opposite of who I am.

To date, post-wreck life has been a time of trials & blessings, of dreams dying, of learning & growing but still…, the isolation, both by where I live and a lack of a circle of friends. I feel great things on the horizon but it has been a year of limbo. I am lost and lonely. I need laughter, conversation. touch, motion, action, community, you know…, the give and take of it all – the energy of beings in close proximity of each other.

So any advice (other than ‘get out there’ because I don’t know where ‘there’ is) and insights would be appreciated because I feel caged and trapped though I know I am free

~kenji

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Soooo close to moving on to the Other Side (Feb 18 2003)

kenji & motorcycle

Me & my bike


That happens when you wreck your motorcycle after having been seduced by a prematurely sunny day.

There began what I affectionately call ‘my year of hell’
I remember thinking ìwhy is this happeningî. Then it’s face down on the side of the road trying to get my helmet of because I can’t breathe. Then is the pain that feels as if someone parked a truck on my leg. Pain. Faces floating. Pain. Please don’t jostle so much, it’s excruciating. Pain. A helicopter. Pain. Faces & questions & x-rays on the wall. Pain. A pink mask….
Timeless fighting. Fear. Demons. I am scared to my core and yet battle on and on….
A cool washcloth on my head. A fragment of reality to try and hold. Pain. Snippets of conversation. I talk too. Pain. This is my life….
Reality more often than not. One lung is/was collapsed, 5 ribs are broken and one leg will never be the same. 5 days have passed. It turns out I’ve had two surgeries. Pain is my constant companion though my mother is there just about as much and my daughter the third…
Some visit. Some with their body betraying the feeling of ‘can’t wait to get outta here’, others with the ‘dude you’re fucked up but my face don’t show it does it’ look on their face, and, of course the ones that care and are touched to the core…
Eight days was all that could be endured. They were considering transferring me to another place but I needed Home to mend. Hospitals are not places of wellness…
To keep a blog from becoming a novel the short of it was a year of healing starting in a wheel chair to walker to vision trouble to crutches to spraining the good ankle to a wheel chair to walker to crutches to brain swelling to a cane. Adding insult to injury. My mom dies suddenly (at 64). Yeah, you know Ö the one who camped out on my living room floor taking care of me for the first three months irregardless of her own health struggles. (It all really sounds like a country song, doesn’t it)

All this changes a person…

I may pen more later but it boils down to (being near the anniversary) that I thought I’d share this insight:

—–>This is the best thing that ever happened to me. My soul knew that this event would cause needed change to me<—–

Three years Alive & of Life… I still have residual stuff I deal with but I can do it from a perspective I never had

Blessings to you all. May your path be easier than mine but just as impactful on you. Namaste

In Memory – Mom, though I lost you in August that year, I'm forever . I need to say Thank You'' for giving more than any mom should have to. I know that you now move & dance in ways that your earth suit wouldn't let you while you were here.

Special Thanks – Bri my daughter/friend, thanks for not imploding under the burden of a broken dad, a doting grandma, school plus the loss of your close friend and finally your grandma. You're awesome

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